I can't stop thinking about it. It's barely been twenty-four hours and I feel like I've completely shattered my world from the floor up. I'm tired of being so brash, I'm tired of living my life like it's a series of important decisions.
For once, I'd like to just live. Especially in the present. I've been so wrapped up in the future that I forgot about what was right in front of me. I took what I had for granted. I saw an escape from what I thought wasn't good enough so I threw it carelessly out the window.
I don't know what's going on with me. More than ever, I want to fix it. But I'm pretty sure that was my last chance. It's all over. If only I wasn't so demanding. If only I wasn't so stubborn. Pushy. Difficult. Guarded. If only I could take it all back.
They keep saying maybe it's for the best. I told myself that for a short while too. But it never completely settled with me.
Maybe I should have tried harder, maybe I could have worked this out. Maybe I should have been more appreciative. I keep putting the blame elsewhere but it truly should be resting with me. And now that I'm alone, it is. But I could never let it before. It's hard to deal with myself right now. I'm truly not proud of what I've done -- of what we've done.
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